OMG I did it!

I am simply starving today. Don't ask me why. I have eaten most of what I should have. Here's a little factoid you may now have known about me. A few years back while living in Vegas I developed quite a nasty gambling habit. I wont bore you with the details, but this is not the first time I went for too much of a good thing. Hell the size of my ass could have told you that :)


Any who, when I left Vegas for NoCal I thought I had left those temptations far behind me. Boy was I wrong. Turns out there is a casino on our corner here in Redwood Valley. Get off at West Rd for my house AND Shodakai Casino.

Being tired, hungry, cranky and knowing D wouldn't be home for hours yet was looking to become the perfect storm of blowing off my self control and giving in to my baser instincts. I checked my bank account to see how much I could spend and where I could borrow from when I exceeded the initial amount I gave myself (which I ALWAYS do). Figured I could get away with $40 (which would have turned into a $100 and a delayed tattoo appointment this Saturday).

As I left work I decided to fight the urge. I went to the right instead of the left when pulling out onto State St. Forcing me to confront the fact that I needed milk and going to the market after an illicit gambling excursion would be most definitely out of the question. I couldn't bring myself to ask D to pick some up on the way home when he is working so late. So I went to USA to get some milk. I felt good about myself and even decided to reward myself with a $5 scratcher that I would never usually buy.

As I walked inside the store I heard a bell ring. Round 2 had begun. Here I am starving and feeling deprived and I am inside a junk food mecca. Hell this place even has Dunkin' Sticks!!! I grab my milk and begin to cruise the aisles. Picking up delicious things and looking at calorie counts, trying desperately to figure out where I am going to steal the calories from. Will I skip dinner all together for an ill advised treat? In the end the compulsion to buy something and shove it in my gob was nearly insurmountable. I wrenched myself away from the yummy 3 Musketeers and the decadent Dove bar with Peanut Butter and forced myself toward the refrigerator case. There I grabbed a Kraft string cheese. I thought of Isla Fisher in Confessions of a Shopaholic when I held it close to my chest and said to myself; "I will buy this, and this alone".

I left that store giving in to two addictions; food and gambling. As I got in the car and sought out a dime to scratch with, dimes are the best scratchers hands down, I realized that although I was still eating something at a time where I normally wouldn't, I was eating something that was planned for me at lunch which I neglected to consume. I also realized that while I was in fact, gambling, I was doing it on my own terms and not through the strings of my addiction puppet master.

I will fail again. It will happen, this I know. But dammit, today, today I conquered those fucking monkeys and if they know whats good for them they will move back into Chris Griffin's closet where they belong and leave me alone!  After all, the best you can do it take it one day at a time.  Just ask Bill W and all his buddies.