Reasons vs Excuses, Learning to live within Reason

A few years back I had the pleasure of working with a wonderful Director.  "Freak Nuts McGee" or FNM as I will refer to him, was a great person to learn from. He gave you the tools and the freedom to really shape your career.  I really liked working for him.  The first time I was nominated for the Excellence award he found out that the last name I was using at the time wasn't my legal name.  I had never bothered to legally change my name when I got married but I used it professionally.  All of a sudden I would hear my maiden name being bellowed across the building whenever he needed something or just wanted to go have a smoke.

FNM and I would have arguments frequently about the difference between reasons and excuses.  We handled collections, retention and service for a telecom company.  When we would see a rise in delinquency my partner "Bubba" and I would get called in and the screaming about numbers would begin.  Now I acted as a BA for part of my function there and Bubba and I ran most of the reporting for the departments.  At the same time I was the collections system admin, the automations PM, the service process improvement point person, the WNP contact for collections, the SOX compliance author for collections and systems and a team manager for 5 Revenue Assurance representatives and 20 corporate and government account collectors.  Needless to say, I was over worked and way underpaid but I wouldn't change that experience for the world.

FNM: "Why are we showing a 5% increase in 30 day debt"

Bubba: "There was a problem with invoicing this month and customers received their bills about 10 days late.  That correlates to a slight increase in 30 day debt, we should see it recover in the next 30 days or so."

FNM: "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES!!"

This is where it would get sticky as I would always jump in and point out to him this is a reason for delinquency NOT, in fact, an excuse.  Back and forth we would go over the semantics of the situation when its really quite simple. 
Example of a reason:
Q: Why is the sky blue
A:  Because Blue in sunlight collides with air molecules and our eyes see it as blue

Example of an excuse:
Q.  How did you gain 15 lbs?
A.  Because the American Fast Food Culture has caused me to overeat at places like McDonald's because it is cheaper than cooking at home.

Do you see the difference here?  Sometimes, the best and often most painful answer isn't put forth to excuse something but rather to explain it. 

So does this hold true in every aspect of our lives?  Of course it does.  People that NEVER, EVER lie are liars, because we all tell lies even if only to ourselves.  Most of the time those lies take the form of excuses.  We place blame on things in order to make them work for whatever situation we may find ourselves in.  35 years old and can't hold a job?  The reason must be because someone told you a lie 30 years ago or you don't take well to authority.  Right?  Nope!  Those are excuses, the reason is you are lazy and wish to be taken care of.  And hey, listen, if you can find someone to take care of you and that will let you sit home while they work, more power to you.  Really, I am jealous!  But don't confuse the two.

Until we stop using things in our lives as excuses and start really being genuine and citing the underlying reasons for things, can we begin to move forward and grow.

Let me site some examples from my own life:

On why I don't exercise:
My doctors have told me that I need to exercise at night to help with my sleep issues and I don't have access to a facility that can allow me to exercise the way I need to in order to not be wracked with enhanced pain and fatigue for weeks. 
- This is both an excuse and a reason.  Yes, I was told I should exercise at night but they never said that's the only time, yet I can find a million reasons why I cant exercise at night if I wanted to.  Each and every one of them in an EXCUSE.    The reason here is that there isn't a facility that I can afford nearby that will give me the low impact exercise I need, a la resistance machine like Curves or swimming.  I know from experience that any other sort of weight lifting or strength training will throw me into enhanced pain and fatigue for weeks.

On this last 30lb weight gain:
The prescription drug Cymbalta put approximately 5lbs per week on me.  I discontinued use and the gaining stopped.
- This is a straight reason.  Nothing changed in my level of activity or in my eating habits.  I wasn't eating anymore than I normally did and was shocked that I was gaining weight.  But lo and behold my ass, you will find that 30 there!

On why I cant make it to a party at the in laws:
I had a really bad night last night and didn't get much sleep at all.  I was up with RLS and couldn't get comfortable.  To make it worse my leg tingle thing is back and I think my herniated disc is flaring because I have a bigger than normal bulge at C5-C6 and I am in extra pain there.
- This is a straight excuse.  I didn't tell a single lie here, yet its still an excuse.  If we were going to Magic Mountain to ride X I would lie about my neck pain, say I felt great and get moving because it isn't something that I dread more than the laser gum surgery sans numbness that I have had twice now.  My mother in law is a freaking lunatic who, if she were on fire, I wouldn't cross the street to piss on unless I happened to have been drinking diesel fuel for the last week and thought that my urine would make the fire stronger.  Therefore I have a convenient bag of excuses to pull from so that I don't have to do something that is unpleasant to me.

SO WHATS THE POINT?

My point is that many of us with chronic pain issues whether they be CPS, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, neck and back injuries, etc., have a tendency to use our pain as an excuse to get out of doing things that we really just don't want to do.  I could make a good case for disability due to the CPS/Fibro and the horrific, flaming knife from the bowels of hell piercing my vertebrae pain I get from my herniated disc.  I could probably sit at home and play World of Warcraft all day and collect a check.  It would be just that easy.  But I don't, not because I think that collecting from the government is wrong or that people on disability are lazy, I don't because I know what that can mean to me and how deep into an introverted, online only existence I could end up living.

I know that I can hide.  I have done it before.  I have checked out of life for a few hours, days, weeks, even months at a time in the past.  I get myself wrapped up in the lie, convincing myself that I am too tired, or in too much pain to actually live my life.  Being in a place where I can control everything around me is comforting.  Sometimes too much so.  The allure is great to be alone and in control. But is that life???

No, using the excuses so many of us do, to live less of a life all the while convincing ourselves to believe that lie is not life at all.  It is in a way, a living death.  Being able to confront your pain, finding ways to manage it while still living life to the best of your ability is the true essence of life. Once you cast off the shackles that chronic pain can place on you, you will find that you are stronger than you thought you were.  Life takes on a whole new meaning then, and suddenly you realize that you have been hiding from yourself and are forced to start laying out the reasons for your resistance to life, change, challenge and adventure.  Only then will you see who you are and why you shy away from life.  Only then can you start to build the road map that will lead you to a life of fulfilment and joy.  For now, I continue to chose to live within reason.

Until next time dear readers (are there more than one of you?), stay strong and strive to LIVE.

PS For anyone else suffering from fibromyalgia please take a look at this very interesting study done a few years back and ask your doctor for a thyroid function exam. Hypothyroidism and Fibromyalgia