We're Back!

Well my extra long 4 day weekend is finally over and I am back behind the keys at work.  This is my favorite place to blog as I can pretend I am getting paid to do it.  Technically I am, but really it feels more like theft than salary :)

I am a loser, now calm down I don't need any soothing words about how I am not a loser and that I should think better of myself, I meant simply I lose things.  When I lived in Las Vegas I swore that the casinos were going to start charging me for new player's cards.  I would actually get 2 at a time under the adage, one to use and one to lose, but by the next time I was heading to that casino both cards would be gone.  I have burned through no less than 7 Social Security cards in the last decade and lets not talk about all the "momentary" losses I experience every day.  I honestly believe there are gremlins that live in my house and move all my stuff around when I am sleeping.  I will be hunting for my keys only to find them in weird places like the bathroom or the laundry room.  All I know is I didn't put them there and my husband and roommate know better to touch my stuff as they may upset the balance of my organized but chaotic world.  So unless the dogs are in on it, I am calling Gremlin!  Over the years since I have become an "adult" I have lost a wide variety of items of both great and little importance, but the one thing I ALWAYS had, that I ALWAYS could get my hands on in under a minute was my birth certificate.

For some reason that piece of paper was the one thing my brain always knew exactly how to locate.  Probably because the thought of getting another one made me turn yellow with fear.  Sitting in the Social Security office isn't a big deal, neither is DMV, but having to deal with NYS, well past experience told me that it was something I NEVER wanted to do.  So I made sure I knew right where it was.  It saw quite a bit of use as well.  I travelled to the Caribbean every year from the time I was 11 to the time I was 18.  Each trip, that piece of paper was my pass in and out.  It was the same for all the trips I made there when I was older and even for the trip I made to Mexico in 2006.  Birth Certificate and a driver's license was all I needed to get me in and out.

As many of you may know they changed the rules for Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean in 2008.  You are now required to have a US Passport to get in and out of the country.  So being the compulsive planner than I am and understanding that I live paycheck to paycheck at the moment, I planned the saving of the $100 I needed for the passport and I took the day after Memorial Day off to go get it.  I went and got my picture taken last week and on that topic I will only say this, immigration will be very surprised that an old bulldog with a giant zit for a chin, is standing in front of them seeking passage into their country. 

So yesterday I loaded D and I in the car and off we went to my local post office to apply for my passport.  Now I should have known better than to go there simply because these are the same people who: question if I live at my address a full year after I have been receiving mail there, continually changed my husbands address to his fathers house even after SEVERAL written requests not to do so, and are just basically the "Keystone Kops" of mail service.  So I get there and I am all ready to go and I hand her my cherished, ORIGINAL mind you, birth certificate.  It was then the party really started.

Postal Worker: "Oh I cant accept this, its not a birth certificate."

M: "Um, what are you talking about?  This is the only one I have ever had, I am nearly 40 I think I know what it is."

PW: "Well it says "Birth Registration" not "Birth Certificate" the State Department wont accept it"

M: "Listen, I have been travelling internationally with this thing for some 20+ years.  They never had a problem with it before."

PW: "They wont accept this I am sorry"

M: "Have you even looked at it?  It has an official raised seal from the state of NY and on the back in bold print it specifically says "PROOF OF US CITIZENSHIP FOR THE ISSUANCE OF A PASSPORT".  Am I taking crazy pills or is that not what it says RIGHT THERE!!!"

PW: "Look I am just trying to prevent you from having an issue and they wont take this but let me ask my supervisor"

Super: "This is no good but when the branch manager is back from the store we will have her look at it and call you"

At this point he could see I was ready to fly over the counter and murder them both.  Possibly even use one of them to murder the other in a "Hancock" sort of way.  So I left and awaited the inevitable call that was to come.  Sure enough a few hours later i got a call from the branch manager saying she called her contact at the State Department, yeah I buy that, so many one horse towns have a direct line to the feds these days, and they wont accept the document that is my one and only birth certificate, I now get to pay $52.25 to get a copy of the original I already have to send to the government.  You have to love this country sometimes, even though they were screwing me six ways to Sunday they STILL figured out how to get more money out of me in the process.

So where does this leave me today?  A little depressed and delaying my finish work on my Tattoo for a few more weeks while I plan to save what I need once again.  But I think I will end on a high note and watch the clip below imagining myself to be Hancock and the PW and Branch Manager to be the inmates.  If that doesn't work there is always Wedding Crashers, in fact I'm going to leave you a clip of both.  Enjoy!